On and off the mat I have been wondering about intimacy. I see people, including myself, struggling with it on a daily basis and I have been asking myself: what, really, is intimacy? And how does it appear on the mat?
I guess intimacy comes in many shapes and forms. There is the physical and emotional intensity of lovers. There is the unconditional bond between parent and child. And there is the easy familiarity of old friends who have seen the best and worst of one another.
So what is common to these three examples? Or better said: how to define intimacy? If I may offer a suggestion – far from final – I would say: intimacy is the connection that occurs when two people fully see and bless one another.
To me, the words ‘see’ and ‘bless’ are crucial. By seeing I mean that we truly notice the other as they are. Not what we think they are or ought to be, but as they appear in this world with their gifts and shadows alike.
The blessing bit is important, too. Blessing means showing people that everything we notice about them is good, worthy and loveable. It’s an odd notion, perhaps, because we’re used to forcing our opinions and beliefs unto others. But enforcing our own views is, in a way, a subtle act of violence.
When you see and bless someone, you send them messages like ‘you belong’, ‘you have something to contribute’, and ‘you are loveable’. Wouldn’t you want others to approach you like that? In my opinion, it is the basis of healthier and happier relationships.
